2020 has arrived! And how soon! Time sure does like flying. Does the New Year bring anything new into our lives? For most of us, the answer to that question would be a ‘no’. Life doesn’t suddenly change overnight. Changes are gradual and take time. And when change does occur, you realize that there’s a world of a difference between ‘then’ and ‘now’, without realizing how long it took for the change to materialize.
Take for instance, the ‘Indian woman’; her roles, her duties, her dreams and aspirations. For me, the image of the Indian woman is derived from the women in my life. So I sit here today, time travel and imagine the lives of our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers (mine were all based in Southern and central India). Most of them spent a large proportion of their time indoors, cooking and caring for the family. I have heard tales of how my maternal grandmother cooked for at least fifteen people every day. It was the time of the joint family and there were many mouths to be fed. Three meals for fifteen people; can you imagine the sheer scale of something like that? She would have to make a huge pot of kichdi, about 50 chapathis, chop at least two kilos of vegetables and clean up after this huge ordeal. At my age-thirty-she had to single-handedly do all this plus take care of three children. No wonder, she was an amazing cook. I remember all the summers we spent with her, would be laced with a yummy spread of dishes! Most of her life revolved around food, her children and later her grandchildren.
So, it’s amazing how she has accepted the change in the life of her granddaughter (me!), who works, travels, spends most of her time outdoors and cooks only for two people every day. At thirty, I’m two years into my marriage and we’re yet to have a child. It is encouraging to see that my grandmother doesn’t think of it as an aberration that our lives are so different. She feels happy that I am able to live so ‘freely’ as compared to her. Reflecting on this, I realize how much I like my relative freedom and how I value it. I call it ‘relative’ freedom, because it’s still not absolute. There are norms in our society, of how a married Indian woman should dress, talk, behave and ‘take care’ of family. Nevertheless, I see how it took quite a few decades if not centuries to reach where we have today.
And yet,even in 2020, I am among the smaller section of Indian women who are educated and earning. Female literacy stands at 65% while male literacy rate stands at 80% in our country. Only 25% of the women who are eligible to be a part of the workforce are employed. No, I’m not saying everyone with an education should be gainfully employed. A stay-at-home mom has her hands full, but may be more vulnerable to discrimination and/or abuse for being financially dependent on family.
As a young doctor working in a rural hospital in Southern India, a few years ago, I remember how scores of women were discouraged from studying further, were married off at 16 or 17 years of age, grappled with childbirth in their early twenties and were clueless or unhappy with status quo; very similar to my grandmother’s life, a fifty years ago. In the three years (2014-2017, not very long ago) that I worked in the rural hospital, there were innumerable times when women shed tears as they recounted the horrors of being subdued and trampled over. For these women, the wheels of time had not moved forward, time had stood still in a bygone era and was refusing to adapt to the 21st century. They had no voice, no choice, and no freedom to make decisions. Life-changing decisions for these women, like higher education, getting a job, marriage, children etc. were made by parents, spouse or other members of the family.
In 2020, hence, there is a wide spectrum of Indian women that I can see. At one end of the spectrum is the woman who has the freedom to make her decisions and follow her heart and at the other end is the oppressed woman who is chained to society’s shackles. And even the woman who is free may be made to feel that her privileges are a gift that the society has given her and that she should still conform to its many rules and not question status quo. My daily travel to work, in the ladies compartment of the local train in Mumbai is an eye-opener in this regard. I am witness to so many conversations between women who are travelling to and from work. I have traveled in the ‘first class’ ladies compartment, where most women look like they are bankers or IT professionals. I’ve also traveled in the ‘general’ ladies compartment where women are vendors, house-helps, working in small shops/ businesses etc. The thread of conversation is similar. The juggle of working and managing home falls on their shoulders. The women can be heard complaining about how they are expected to don the role of cook, a cleaner and a mother after having spent ten hours of their day outside at work. It is their duty, their responsibility and solely their line of work. These are the Indian women who work outside their homes. They deal with guilt, embarrassment, taunts and many an unpleasant word just for being who they are: independent and free. They get cat-called for not fitting into the mould of the ‘sanskari bharatiya naari’. That’s the downside to their freedom.
What’s the upside, you ask? Ah, plenty. A Indian woman who is relatively free: She grows the wings to fly and travel wherever she wants. She builds long lasting friendships and support systems outside of family, a support system that understands her and ‘gets’ who she is and what she wants to be. She is independent and doesn’t have to live in a condescending environment, if she chooses not to. She learns new things and is open and adaptable to the ever-changing world around her. She has a voice and she can use it to bring a positive change around her. She can empower people around her to be better versions of themselves. The list is endless.
So, ladies and gentlemen, if you know some Indian women or are one yourself, do reflect on how much the scene has changed over the past few decades and centuries. Be grateful and remember the spectrum. While there are a few women who seem to have it all, there are others struggling for the basics! Roti, kapda, makaan, healthcare, azaadi and the internet! (Food, clothes, shelter, healthcare, freedom and the internet; translated for the non-Bollywood tribe)
P.S. Please don’t ask me why I wrote only about Indian women and not men. My answer will require another 1000 words