I learnt a new word today. No, not Feminazi; that one’s a regular. I learnt what ‘portmanteau’ means. When two words are combined in sound and meaning, the new word that is born, is a portmanteau. We have all come across and used these fancy portmanteaus without realizing that we have. I’m sure; all of you have had a late Sunday ‘brunch’ (combine breakfast and lunch). Have you ever tried listening to a podcast (portmanteau of the words iPod and broadcast)? If not, you should, some of them are fun! They are available for free on the ‘Spotify’ mobile application, Google podcasts and many other listening platforms. That reminds me, that the podcast I started, called ‘The Indian doctor’, has been crying for my attention (Launch a new episode! My podcast reminds me). But I’m lost somewhere in rural Maharashtra and my belongings are stuck with the movers and packers (Thanks to CoVid-19 and the lock down, of course). I now know what it feels like to have with me, less than a small bagful of things that I can call my ‘own’.
After 43 days of being lost and ‘zombie-like’, I woke up, thanks to a video I watched on Instagram. It was a video of a twenty-something woman I know virtually and have never really met. I follow her various writing and poetry pages, coz well; I’m a fan of her writing and thought process. So, in the video, she spoke about the recent leaked images of teen boys from New Delhi, the capital of India, having a demeaning conversation about a girl on a group chat named ‘boys locker room’. She also shared her story of being stalked by a guy for a decade, since the age of twelve. After watching the video, I read about the locker room conversation. Well, like my poet-virtual-friend says in the video, I wasn’t surprised. Such things never surprise/shock us girls. Have we internalized the misogyny? I don’t know. But it doesn’t surprise us. It angers, scares and disgusts us. And it reminds us of all the times we have been on the receiving end.
In my previous job, in a Research Institute, attached to a medical college, I had a super awesome bunch of strong independent women as colleagues. We were from different professional backgrounds; a mix of doctors, nurses, nutritionists and psychologists. Our lunch time conversations would be fun and sometimes take serious turns into life, love and living. I vividly remember one such lunch-time conversation, when somehow the topic of being ‘eve-teased’/ ‘put-down’/ ‘shown-our-place’ because we are women; came up. Each one of us, a bunch of about 10 women, had multiple incidents to share. I spoke of getting foul-language calls from a guy in college; of the times we were cat-called even if we were dressed in salwar kameez, while walking to college (studying to be doctors!).And the others shared their horrid stories. Again, we were not surprised or shocked; just disgusted with the status quo. I’m not saying that males don’t have such experiences, but the frequency among females is much higher. Why? I have wondered, many a time, since a long time. And, now I know, the answer lies in our homes. Starting from who does/is expected to do the household chores, cooking and cleaning, child-care to the subtler aspects like who gets more of a say in household and career matters. Who decides where to work, where to stay, what to eat, what to wear, when/ if to have kids, how to raise them etc.? Are the decisions shared, equal and fair? If things are sorted at the roots, the tree, in future may bear some sweet fruits of gender equality. Big words, right? “Feminism”, “Gender equality”, “Patriarchy” and “Portmanteau”; well, words are all I have people (At least till my belongings which I packed off from Mumbai, safely reach Solapur after/when this lock down lifts)
In the subject I chose to specialize in: Community medicine (To know what that is, refer to my blog post titled ‘Community medicine: what’s that? Can be found on this link https://kusummoray.wordpress.com/2015/08/ ); we learn that family is the basic unit of a society; just like the cell is the fundamental unit of the human body. We do what we call ‘family studies’ during our training; to understand how, the dynamics in a family affects the health of the people in the family and also reflect what the society is like. Looking back on life, I’ve been super-lucky to be born to parents who hardly ever restricted me in any way. They nurtured me and let me make my own decisions. There was a healthy sense of freedom at home. But I know of many families, where that isn’t the case. Esp. during my rural patient-consultations, home-visits during training, and later as a part of my job in research, I have encountered women who were far less lucky than I have been. Restricted in nutrition, in education, in marriage and in decision making, I have seen women either breakdown or accept their fate with bitterness. All my experiences make me a proud ‘feminist’ (an advocate of women’s rights on grounds of equality of sexes). And I wouldn’t care less if people used this word in a derogatory manner. To add to this word and make it even more condescending is the ‘portmanteau’: Feminazi (combination of feminist and Nazi!). The dictionary meaning is “American slang for a committed feminist or a strong-willed woman”. Beat that people! Beat that! I think this word is used by people who think that women should be quiet and docile; not raise a voice; just be mute like a robot that does a lot of work, but doesn’t propagate feminist values. So, someone who strongly raises her voice against misogyny and patriarchy is labelled ‘Feminazi’. The labels don’t matter, do they? After all, when you buy a new dress, one of the first things you do, before you wear it, is remove the labels and the tags. So, all you people out there, wear your cape proudly and forget the labels that society adds on. (And mind you, I say ‘people’ and not ‘women’; because I’m glad to say that there are men in this world who lift women up and sad to have seen many women who put other women down). Some examples I’ve seen in life are women who pass demeaning comments about other women for the way they dress, for their lack of cooking skills, for choosing a career and what not. If women don’t support other women, then what can be expected of men?
The label of Feminazi seems a little too extreme, especially considering how the Nazis tortured the Jews. Yet, I can imagine why this portmanteau was created. When men have been raised with a certain set of ‘values’, of superiority and of entitlement in a largely patriarchal society, they find it hard to digest when they encounter women who speak up, these men may consider the woman’s speaking up as ‘torture’. Probably that’s how the word originated. That’s my theory. Wait, let me ‘google it’. Supposedly the word has been around since the 90s and has been used to troll women who were considered ‘radical’ in their feminism.
Anyway, let me share some questions/ suggestions that have been thrown at me and that trigger the Feminazi inside. “Ah, it’s been 2.5 years since you got married. No kids yet? “I get this way more often than my partner does. As if a baby can be generated single-handedlyJ. “You still don’t know how to make round chapattis!” (Round or square, at least they are edible! A lot of men I know, who are as educated as I am, would never be taunted about the shape of the food item they make. They would be applauded even if they just stepped into the kitchen to ‘help’). “You should not be so ambitious, after all, its time you start a family!” All these are cliched and yet a lot of us women encounter them.
Despite all the gloom, there is still hope for a more gender-equal world. Things have definitely gotten better for a lot of women and families. As a result of the lock down, there has been a surge on social media regarding, roles being reversed and shared household responsibilities. Yet, the large sections of the society, who are hidden from our eyes due to their lack of smart phones /illiteracy/poverty, are the ones who probably face the largest brunt of patriarchy and misogyny. If someday my work can twist the curve for these people, I will consider myself blessed.
P.S: the photo below is of me, in free-er times on a beach in Goa, witnessing a beautiful sunset. It is completely unrelated to this post!